‘Le Tiss’ Everitt
A freak injury has cut this Southampton mad naturists season short. Unperturbed, Benny keeps himself in the thick of the action by providing the rest of the team with the best football related YouTube videos the internet has to offer (on WK time).
‘Bottler Bale’ Simpson
Perhaps it’s his East London take on Marouane Fellaini’s hair that’s causing him problems. Getting in his eyes at crucial times, because Simpson is a notorious fouler, or worse, a bottler of challenges.
On the rare occasion that he’s had his Weetabix, he can hit the 7 out of 10 mark, but like his beloved Tottenham, he’s a classic waste of talent.
‘Marc Antoine Fortune’ Hayward
With no ego in sight, this committed Baggie goes about his business on his pitch with quiet determination. A tough defender, his confidence on the ball has grown alongside his marvelous beard. A shoe-in for ‘Best Team Player’ at the end of the year.
Imagine a ‘prototypical creative technologist’ playing football. That.
Like Wilfred Zaha, if Wilfred Zaha was good at design.
Spends most of the time on the floor. Has to stretch for 48 hours before playing.
Has moved to Portland where he plays football with something called ‘girls’.
Can Plackett hack it on the football pitch? Yes, yes he can.
Has abandoned the team to concentrate on his own ‘Top Tips’ venture.
Played once, got man of the match, never played again. Baller.
Spent a long time getting in the squad, then moved to Clapham.
David has taken time out from liking every photo on Instagram to play football with the lads a couple of times. Pure energy.